I'm sitting here watching Tombstone (one of my very favorite movies) on our new beautiful 52 inch TV thinking I didn't know TV could be this great. I've also been watching Cali run around the living room panting and tossing her bed and toys around. She is quite possibly the cutest dog in the whole wide world. I loved my last dog a lot, but this one is so super cute and has the best personality. She's got tons of energy, though and can be an idiot sometimes. Hey... I don't have kids yet... so I am blogging about my dog..... etc.
My father-in-law and I put my mare, Echo, out with my husband's stallion, Sampson, yesterday. I really don't know what was thinking. I guess I'm hoping for a buckskin paint even though I need another horse like I need a whole in my head. Echo is a sharp looking black and white but she doesn't have any muscle so I'm hoping Sampson will add that to a nice baby. And, with Sampson's palomino color I'm REALLY hoping for a buckskin paint. I don't know if she will even take. Sampson bred her last year and if she had foaled it would have been the first baby of the year (Cody would have been green with envy as I don't even care when it would have been born because I don't want to show my baby in halter but he does) but Echo didn't take. So now that all Cody's mares and his dad's mares have been bred already for early babies next year I got a wild hair and we threw Echo out with Sampson. Cody doesn't know yet. He's funny about it, too, because he didn't really want me to do it last time we talked. I don't know why - I guess he wanted me to be able to show it and the bigger they are the better chance you have of winning or something to that extent. But, as I said, I don't CARE to show it. I just want a nice paint baby. I suppose if I get one I want to sell I'll have to sell one of my minis. Or, maybe by then Cody will be making enough money that I can keep everyone. We shall see.
So, I'm HOPING, PRAYING, etc that there is the slightest chance I could be pregnant. We timed it right around ovulation this month and I've been SO tired the past week so I'm hoping that means there's a possibility. OR... it just could be that I'm tired. :( I guess I'll find out in a couple weeks when I'm supposed to start my... ya know.... I'm so ready to be pregnant. I've been praying for it, too. Whatever happens is God's plan, I know, I just pray a baby is in his plan for us.
Well, all for now. I don't even know if this made sense as I'm still watching Tombstone. The timer is going off on my marinating pork that's going in the oven, so I had better get cookin'.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
And here I go....
I used to be on MySpace and liked the blog aspect of it because at the time I was going through quite a lot in my life and needed to write. Then, I got re-married and was happy for all intents and purposes but have often thought that it would be nice to be able to write again. So, my friend has a blog on here and I thought I'd try it. And here I go...
Today is Sunday and Cody had to leave to go work today. We had a big hail storm here last week and he's gone to several cities close by to look at their vehicles for insurance claims. So, I'm at home alone (plus dog x1 and cat x2) and even though there are sheets in the washer that need to be dried and I REALLY want to go get some chicken fingers at the local market, I am writing.
I had to go back on depression medication a couple weeks ago. I've been having so much trouble getting up in the mornings lately. Sometimes it's everything I can do to drag my butt out of bed and get into the shower. Some days, if my hair looks okay, I'll just wash my face and put on makeup and not even take a shower. I'm not dirty in the least, I'd just look a whole lot better freshly-showered. I think my depression is a combination of things. I'm disenchanted with the new job I started in November (not what I expected), I've gained 30+ pounds in the past year or so and I'm feeling old and like I've missed the baby train big time.
I feel sometimes like I'll never be pregnant. I went off medication last fall and we were going to start trying and we did for about a month then stopped. We were having some major problems (mostly I needed a wakeup call from God and an attitude adjustment and to come to the realization that it was MY job to make myself happy - not my husband's) and so we just kinda stopped trying. So, I've lost about 10 pounds and thought we'd go ahead and try again. I dream about having a baby - I mean literally have dreams about it. I wasn't ready for years and now that I am it seems like it will never happen. I see myself not becoming pregnant - or at least I fear it. I know whatever happens is God's plan for my life, but I really hope His plans for me include at least one child. If not, I suppose we will adopt. But, I'm really praying for pregnancy. I look at pregnant women and think "wow, I hope that's me someday". I can't imagine what it is like, to look down and run my hands over my taut belly with some little miracle growing inside, because I've never experienced it. I feel old, too. Like I'm running out of time. I'm sad sometimes, too. Because I was married for 9 years - it would have been 13 years this year - and all my friends who are still married from those years ago all have kids now. I guess I'd have kids, too, if we had stayed together. But, at what price? And, that's what I have to remember. I pray all the time that it will be God's will to bless us with a baby of our own that I can carry. The rest is up to us..... better get started..... ;)
Today is Sunday and Cody had to leave to go work today. We had a big hail storm here last week and he's gone to several cities close by to look at their vehicles for insurance claims. So, I'm at home alone (plus dog x1 and cat x2) and even though there are sheets in the washer that need to be dried and I REALLY want to go get some chicken fingers at the local market, I am writing.
I had to go back on depression medication a couple weeks ago. I've been having so much trouble getting up in the mornings lately. Sometimes it's everything I can do to drag my butt out of bed and get into the shower. Some days, if my hair looks okay, I'll just wash my face and put on makeup and not even take a shower. I'm not dirty in the least, I'd just look a whole lot better freshly-showered. I think my depression is a combination of things. I'm disenchanted with the new job I started in November (not what I expected), I've gained 30+ pounds in the past year or so and I'm feeling old and like I've missed the baby train big time.
I feel sometimes like I'll never be pregnant. I went off medication last fall and we were going to start trying and we did for about a month then stopped. We were having some major problems (mostly I needed a wakeup call from God and an attitude adjustment and to come to the realization that it was MY job to make myself happy - not my husband's) and so we just kinda stopped trying. So, I've lost about 10 pounds and thought we'd go ahead and try again. I dream about having a baby - I mean literally have dreams about it. I wasn't ready for years and now that I am it seems like it will never happen. I see myself not becoming pregnant - or at least I fear it. I know whatever happens is God's plan for my life, but I really hope His plans for me include at least one child. If not, I suppose we will adopt. But, I'm really praying for pregnancy. I look at pregnant women and think "wow, I hope that's me someday". I can't imagine what it is like, to look down and run my hands over my taut belly with some little miracle growing inside, because I've never experienced it. I feel old, too. Like I'm running out of time. I'm sad sometimes, too. Because I was married for 9 years - it would have been 13 years this year - and all my friends who are still married from those years ago all have kids now. I guess I'd have kids, too, if we had stayed together. But, at what price? And, that's what I have to remember. I pray all the time that it will be God's will to bless us with a baby of our own that I can carry. The rest is up to us..... better get started..... ;)
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